


you begin anyway (and see it through no matter what)

by mischief7manager



Series: with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Future Fic, Gen, Kid Fic, original child character - Freeform, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7791157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischief7manager/pseuds/mischief7manager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kallara thinks she must have the most boring mom in the whole world. Other kids’ moms go out hunting, or fight the demons and stuff that come of out of the tear in the planes, but their mom just stays in the village and tells other people what to do. Dad says telling people what to do is what being a Headmaster means, but Kal’s not so sure. If Mom’s in charge of the whole Ashari, shouldn’t she go fight with them, at least sometimes?"</p><p>Vax and Keyleth don't talk to their children about their time as adventurers. Their daughter would like to know why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you begin anyway (and see it through no matter what)

**Author's Note:**

> Look. Sometimes you're just going through your books to decide which ones you want to move across the country and you realize you haven't reread "To Kill a Mockingbird" in a while so you do and then you get weirdly inspired to write kidfic.
> 
> Spoilers through episode 60.

Kallara thinks she must have the most boring mom in the whole world.

Kellindar agrees with her. Kal knows he does, even if he never says it, because she’s his sister and brothers aren’t supposed to agree with their sisters on _anything_ , but she knows he does. Other kids’ moms go out hunting, or fight the demons and stuff that come of out of the tear in the planes, but their mom just stays in the village and tells other people what to do. Dad says telling people what to do is what being a Headmaster means, but Kal’s not so sure. If Mom’s in charge of the whole Ashari, shouldn’t she go fight with them, at least sometimes?

Because it’s not like Mom doesn’t know how to fight. She _has_ to. She’s famous, a little, Kal thinks, because she and Dad were adventurers, and nobody’s an adventurer if they don’t know how to fight. People come to the village sometimes just to talk to Mom and Dad, sometimes from really far away, so they must have been really good adventurers, but they never talk to Kal and Kel about it.

Kal decides to ask Dad one night when he’s tucking them in. “How come you and Mom don’t talk to us about being Vox Machina?”

Dad goes very still for a second. “Now where did you hear that name?”

Kal shrugs. “I heard you and Mom talking about it one night.”

Dad raises an eyebrow. “Eavesdropping, huh?” He sighs, and sits on the bed next to her. “Why do you ask?”

Kal fiddles with her blanket. “It’s just- You guys were so cool back then, but you don’t ever talk about it. If _I_ was a super awesome adventurer, I’d talk about it all the time.”

“Glad you’re not,” Kel says from his side of the room. “You’re already annoying enough.”

Kal sticks her tongue out at him. Dad laughs. He ruffles her hair, and she pushes his hand away. She’s not a _baby_ , gods.

Dad stops laughing after a bit. “Do you remember a couple years ago, when I had to go away for a while?”

Kal nods. She and Kel were only little then, but she remembers. There was a whole week where Dad kept having Dreams. (Kal always thinks it with the capital letter, because the way Mom said it made it sound like they weren’t like regular dreams.) One time, when Kal had a nightmare and went to their room, there were black feathers all over Dad’s side of the bed. He and Mom had fought about it, only they acted like they weren’t fighting, but Kal could tell Mom was really worried.

A couple days later, Dad had pulled out the trunk from under their bed, the one that Kal had never seen them open, and he’d taken out some armor with feathers on it and a bunch of knives, and he’d sat Kal and Kel down and told them that he had to leave because he had a job to do, and that he’d be back as soon as he could. Mom had cried when he left, and Kal had only seen Mom cry a couple of times. Kal thought “as soon as he could” was supposed to be _soon_ , but Dad was gone for almost two months. One night, Kal had woken up and snuck out of her room and Mom was sitting at the table crying. Grandpa Kohren was there, and he was holding Mom’s hand, and Mom was saying that what if Vax never came back and what would she do?

That’s still the worst thing Kal thinks has ever happened to her. Worse than falling out of that tree and breaking her arm, and worse than the winter Kel got really sick and wouldn’t wake up for a whole day, and worse than when she’d tried Mom’s headdress on without asking and broken the tip off one of the antlers. Worse than all of them, because for a second, Kal thought Dad might not come back, too.

He did come back, though, and he hugged Kal and Kel so hard for so long she thought he might have fallen asleep right there kneeling in front of the house. Grandpa Kohren had stayed with them that night and Mom and Dad had gone away and talked for a really long time. Kal doesn’t know what they talked about, but when they came back, Dad had sat down in front of her and Kel and taken their hands and promised never to go away for that long ever again, “goddesses be damned.” Mom had smacked him in the head for using bad language, and he’d laughed, and Kal had known things were gonna be alright.

Thinking about that still makes her chest hurt, though. She nods again to answer Dad’s question, and sits up so she can scoot a little closer to him.

He puts an arm around her shoulders and pulls her against his side. “That wasn’t very fun, was it.”

She shakes her head. She hears Kel say, “It was really scary.”

Dad’s arm around her tightens. “I know.” He takes a deep breath, and Kal feels his chest rise and fall against her cheek. “Being an adventurer… Parts of it were good, and your Mom and I are glad to remember some of it. But parts of it were really scary, too, and we don’t like to think about those parts as much.” He pauses, and Kal feels him kiss the top of her head. “It was scarier for your Mom than me,” he says quietly. “We both… did things we weren’t proud of, but it hurt your Mom more, having to do those things.”

“Bad things?” Kal asks, very very soft.

Dad pulls her away so she can see him. “Sometimes,” he says. He looks sad, and Kal is suddenly ashamed for having brought it up. She guesses Dad can see that, because he cups her cheek and makes her look at him. “It’s alright that you’re curious,” he says, really gently. “I never want you to be afraid to ask me anything. But…” He pushes her hair back from her face and kisses her forehead. “There are some things your Mom and I would just rather not talk about. Okay?”

Kal nods, but she’s still thinking about it even after Dad has kissed Kel goodnight and she’s supposed to be sleeping. Mom might be boring, but Kal can’t imagine her doing anything bad enough that she wouldn’t want to talk about it. When Kal accidentally broke her headdress, Mom had said it was always better to tell someone when you’d done something bad, because then you could figure out how to make it better.

Kal wants to make this better, but how can she when Mom won’t tell her what’s wrong?

She’s still trying to figure out what to do when Aunt Vex comes to visit.

Aunt Vex is the coolest person Kal has ever met. She’s the only one of their aunts and uncles that’s an actual proper Aunt, because she and Dad are twins like Kal and Kel, and she has a bow that she hunts with that shoots faster and farther than any of the bows the Ashari have, and she lets Kal ride on Bauble’s back and help her brush Bauble’s fur, and she always brings presents: little windup toys from Uncle Percy, instruments and music from Uncle Scanlan, cool-looking rocks from Uncle Grog, and one time a real mace from Aunt Pike. (Mom had taken the mace away, but Kal knows where she hid it. Someday she’s gonna get Aunt Pike to teach her how to use it.) And she never messes up and calls Kel by his old name, from before everyone knew about him really being a boy, and Kal's not supposed to know about her yelling at Grandfather Syldor for still calling Kel a girl sometimes but she does and she loves her even more for it.

But the best part about Aunt Vex visiting is her stories, because Aunt Vex travels all over _everywhere_ , and she always tells them about her adventures. She talks about going to Vasselheim and hunting monsters for the Slayer’s Take, and about going to Whitestone and leading the Grey Hunt with Uncle Percy, and about going to the Frostweald and talking to a sphinx.

Kel wants to be Headmaster like Mom when he grows up, but Kal thinks she wants to be like Aunt Vex: going wherever she wants and doing whatever she wants, and nobody being able to tell her not to.

“Aunt Vex?”

Today, Kal is sitting outside the house helping Aunt Vex fletch her arrows. It’s a big deal, because she has to hold the feathers exactly right while Aunt Vex glues them to the shaft or the arrow won’t fly straight.

“Yes, darling?”

Aunt Vex is the only person in the world who calls Kal “darling”. She likes it a lot.

“You were in Vox Machina with Mom and Dad, right?”

Aunt Vex’s hands slow on the arrow in front of her. “Yes, I was. Why do you ask?”

Kal frowns. “Dad said he and Mom don’t talk about being in Vox Machina because they did bad things, but Dad and Mom are good people. Why would they do bad things?”

Aunt Vex actually puts the arrow down and sits back. She sighs and runs a hand over her eyes. Lying on the ground next to them, Bauble lifts her head and nudges at Aunt Vex’s leg, and Aunt Vex reaches down and scratches behind her ears. Kal’s friends call Bauble Aunt Vex’s pet, but Dad says Bauble is family because she’s pretty much Aunt Vex’s granddaughter. Kel says that makes Bauble their cousin, and Kal thinks having a bear for a cousin is way cooler than having a bear for a pet.

Aunt Vex is quiet for a long time. Kal fiddles with the feathers in front of her. Whatever Mom and Dad did back then, it must have been really bad if Aunt Vex doesn’t even want to talk about it, because Aunt Vex will always talk to her about stuff Mom and Dad don’t want her to know about.

“When we were with Vox Machina,” Aunt Vex says, and Kal sits up because she’s never heard Aunt Vex talk with that tone before, the way that Mom does when she’s telling them something Really Important, “we… All of us, we were trying to do good.” She sighs. “We were trying to save the world, as a matter of fact, but all of us… We were all broken, in some way.” She looks over at Kal. “Do you understand what I mean when I say that?”

Kal frowns. “You mean, there was something wrong with you?”

“In a way.” Aunt Vex looks away, out at the village and the mountains, but Kal thinks she’s not really seeing the village or the mountains at all. “We weren’t perfect, any of us. Nobody in the world is perfect, you see, so we all made mistakes. Even when we acted with the best of intentions, we…” She laughs a little, but it’s not really a happy laugh. “We screwed up, a lot of the time. And sometimes we screwed up little things and it all turned out alright in the end, but sometimes…” She trails off. “Sometimes we screwed up very, very badly. And a couple of times, we screwed up so badly that other people got hurt because of it.”

Kal’s voice is very small. “Did people get hurt because of Mom and Dad screwing up?”

Aunt Vex looks back at Kal. “Yes, darling, I’m afraid they did.”

Kal shakes her head. “I don’t understand. They were- they were _adventurers_ , weren’t they? That’s why people come all this way just to meet them, they were heroes!”

Aunt Vex sighs. “Unfortunately, dear, being a hero means you’re a lot more powerful than… well, pretty much everyone you meet. And more power means when things go wrong, they go very, very wrong.”

Kal thinks about that for a second. “So why don’t they talk about it? Because they’re ashamed?”

“In part, maybe.” Aunt Vex reaches over and pulls Kal into a one-armed hug. “Mostly I think they love you very much, and they don’t want to tell you anything that’s going to make you afraid of them.”

Kal scoffs. “Why would I be afraid of them? It’s  _Mom and Dad._ ”

Aunt Vex smiles, but she still looks sad. “Exactly.” She gives Kal a squeeze and sits up straighter. “Now, are we going to finish this fletching or not?”

Kal thinks about what Aunt Vex said for a long time, even after Aunt Vex finishes her visit and leaves to go adventuring again. She knows Mom is powerful, in her way. That winter when the sickness came and loads of people were really badly ill, Mom spent almost a week in the healers’ lodge. She didn't even come home to sleep until the last person was better, but her magic never ran out. Kal doesn't know much about magic, but she knows it takes a lot of work and lot of energy, especially doing that much of it for so long.

But that’s healing magic. You can't use healing magic to hurt someone. Maybe Aunt Vex was wrong, and Mom didn't like remembering being an adventurer for some other reason. Maybe it really was awesome, and she didn't want to tell Kal about it because she was afraid Kal would run away to go be an adventurer herself.

That seems like a thing Mom would do.

Kal almost asks Mom about it herself, but every time she gets close she remembers the look on Dad and Aunt Vex’s faces when she’d asked them: sort of sad, and hurt, like she’d poked at a bruise that wasn't done healing. Kal doesn't want to make Mom feel like that, even if it turns out to not be a big deal.

In the end, Kal doesn't have to ask Mom about how powerful she is. She gets an up close demonstration.

“Headmaster!”

Mom is with Kal and Kel in the center of this village this afternoon, going over their lessons. Normally, afternoons are Dad’s lesson time, but some of the tribe had asked him to come with them to the next village over for a trading run. There weren't that many people left in the village, so it’s been a quiet day, until one of the women who’s supposed to be guarding the portal comes running into the village, looking scared out of her mind.

Mom stands up. “What is it?”

The guardswoman gasps for air. “The portal- the plane of air- there’s something- I don't know what it is, it’s _huge_ -”

Mom cuts her off. “Something came through the portal?”

The guardswoman nods frantically. “It tore through our line like we were paper- Headmaster, _it’s coming this way_.”

Mom goes pale. She whirls and grabs Kal, who’s closer, by the arm. “Kallara, you and your brother, get back to the house and _hide_. Stay there until I come and tell you it’s safe to come out, not a second sooner, do you understand?”

Kal nods. Mom used her full name. Mom only uses her full name when she’s really scared. “What about you?”

Mom cups her face in both hands. “Don't worry about me.” She hugs Kal hard, then Kel, kissing them each on the top of their head. “Go!”

Kal grabs Kel’s hand and they run for the edge of the open circle at the center of the village. They’ve just made it to the first house when something behind them _roars_.

Kel freezes. “What was that?” His hand is shaking in hers. Kal pulls him down next to the house and they both crouch against the wall, pressing up to it as tight as they can. It’s not a very good hiding place, but there’s no time to find a better one, because something enormous is tearing into the village center.

Kal’s jaw drops open. The creature _looks_ like a man, but he’s at least three times as tall as the tallest person she’s ever seen. His skin is white as clouds and his short hair is blue as the sky. He’s wearing robes that look like they used to be nice, but they’re all torn up like he got in a fight. He’s holding a big club-like thing, with lots of spiky bits of metal sticking out at the end of it. And his mouth…

Kal’s stomach flips over. His mouth is dripping blood.

“STOP!”

Mom’s voice rings out in the open space. Kal’s never heard her sound like that, like a general commanding her troops, or a mighty warrior out of one of Uncle Scanlan’s stories. “Go back to the elemental plane,” she says, arms held out in front of her like just that will stop the monster in its tracks. “My people have no quarrel with you.”

The monster makes a noise. It rumbles through Kal’s bones like the thunder that rolls off the mountains, and she realizes the monster is _laughing_. “Foolish elfling,” he says, and if Kal wasn’t gripping Kel’s fingers so tight it hurt, she’d clap her hands over her ears. His voice sounds like the windstorms that whip through the village in winter, and even though it’s a warm day out, Kal’s shaking where she sits.

“Gorgalar Stormblood does not quarrel,” he says, enorumous mouth spreading in an awful gaping grin. “Gorgalar Stormblood has been trapped for hundreds of years. Gorgalar Stormblood _hungers_.” He reaches one massive meaty hand towards Mom. “Gorgalar Stormblood will feast on elfling flesh!”

Kal wants to scream, to yell at Mom to run, get out of the way, but it’s like she’s frozen in place. All she can do is watch as the monster reaches out to grab her mother-

And then rears back. He _howls_ , and suddenly red and orange flames are licking up and over his hand, his arm. He tries to stagger away, but the ground under his feet surges up, like he’s sinking into water, until he’s up to his knees in earth. He overbalances and lands on his back, roaring as he slams to the ground.

Mom reaches down and picks up her staff from where she’d set it during lessons and plants it in front of her, and the ground ripples out from where it slams to the earth. The shockwaves blast into the giant creature, and he yells as he tries to pull himself free.

Mom walks forward slowly, until she’s standing right next to his head. “I am Keyleth, of Vox Machina and the Air Ashari,” she says, and there’s no wind blowing, but her robes are swirling around her, her hair whipping back and forth. “I have slain Beholders, vampires, and dragons. I was there when the Chroma Conclave attacked, and I was there when they were destroyed.” She plants her staff in the ground and raises one hand, looking down at the monster, her face totally blank. “And _you will not touch my people._ ”

She brings her hand down, and out of the clear blue sky, a crackling bolt of lightning splinters through the air and strikes the creature square in the center of the chest.

He screams, limbs twitching as the lightning courses through him. Smoke rises from the robes over his torso, and Kal can see the flesh underneath turning red and blistering. She closes her eyes and buries her face in Kel’s shoulder, feels him do the same to her. Arms wrapped tight around her brother, Kal doesn’t seen the creature’s death throes, but she can smell the burning flesh, and she hears his last rattling cry before everything falls chillingly quiet.

Cracking her eyes open, Kal twists her head to peer out around the house. Mom stands over the creature’s gently smoking body, leaning heavily on her staff. Her eyes close, and abruptly Kal realizes that she must be exhausted. That much power in one go… Any other member of the tribe would probably have passed out.

“Keyleth!”

Kal’s head whips to track the source of the cry. Running into the open space, trailed by the trading party, is Dad, his eyes wide. He doesn’t slow down when he sees the dead giant, doesn’t stop until he’s in front of Mom. He pulls her into a hug, and she sags against him “One of the guards at the portal got a message out,” he says, voice shaking, “we turned back as soon as we heard- Are you alright?”

Mom pulls away and nods. “I’m fine.”

Dad nods, then grabs her shoulders. “Where are the twins?”

Whatever fear that’s been keeping Kal frozen breaks at that, and she shoots up, launching herself out from behind the house. “Daddy!”

She runs for her father, Kel hot on her heels. When he sees them, Dad drops to his knees, and Kal hurtles into his arms, she and her brother nearly tackling him to the ground. He hugs them tight, and Kal feels tears welling up in her eyes as the fear and shock finally hits her. She tucks her head against Dad’s neck, breathing deep and letting the familiar feel of his woolen cloak wash over her.

“Are you hurt?” Dad asks, hand running over her head and back like he’s checking for injuries.

“No,” Kel says, “we ran away. Mom told us to hide so we hid before it got here.”

“Kal?” When she doesn’t answer, Dad pulls away, places a hand on the back of her head so she’ll look at him. “Kallara, _are you hurt?_ ”

She shakes her head. She’s still shivering, even though the danger’s over now, and Dad pulls her back into another hug, murmuring soothing words under his breath.

Kal peeks over his shoulder and sees Mom standing a few feet off, still leaning on her staff. She’s watching them, but she’s not moving closer, and Kal’s heart lurches when she sees tears streaking down Mom’s face. When she catches Kal looking, she wipes them away, and gives Kal a quavering smile. Kal wants to go to her, hug her too, but before she can pull away from Dad, Mom turns and starts giving orders to the villagers that have started to gather around now that it’s safe to come out from their homes.

Mom stays busy for the rest of the day, organizing repairs to the homes that were damaged, cleanup of the monster’s body, and healing for the guards that were hurt when he came through the portal. Kal wants to help, but Dad won’t let either of the twins out of the house. Out of his sight, really, so Kal and Kel spend the afternoon doing busy work around the house until it’s time for bed.

Dad’s getting them settled in when Mom knocks on the door. She leans against the doorframe, and gives them a small smile. “Hey,” she says. “Can I talk to you guys, for a second?”

Dad gives her a look, and they have one of those looks that’s really a whole silent conversation. After a second, he nods. “Alright,” he says. He kisses first Kal’s forehead, then Kel’s, and kisses Mom’s cheek before he leaves the room.

Mom stands in the doorway, hands twisting in front of her. “Can I sit?”

“Sure,” Kal says, and Mom slowly sits down on the edge of her bed. Kal and Kel exchange a glance. Mom’s never asked permission to sit with them before.

She’s not looking at either of them, another clue that she’s upset about something. “I know what happened today was- was probably really scary for you guys.”

They nod. “I thought that guy was gonna eat us,” Kel says, his voice quiet.

Mom nods. “I know,” she says, hand twitching like she wants to reach out for him. “I-” She swallows. “I never wanted you to have to feel like that,” she says, looking from Kel to Kal and back. “Either of you.”

Kal frowns. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Mom flinches. “I-” She sighs and brushes her hair back behind her ear. “It’s just- I wanted to-” She huffs, and like she doesn’t even realize it, her hand reaches out for Kal’s. “I _needed_ you both to know-” She looks to Kal, and her eyes are welling. “I would never, _ever_ , hurt you.” She looks to Kel. “Either of you.”

Kal squeezes her hand. “ _Mom_.” Mom looks back at her, and she’s crying, really actually crying. “Why would- We don’t-” She turns to Kel, pleading expression on her face.

Like she knew he would, Kel finds the words she can’t. “Mom, we’d never think that. This afternoon was scary ‘cause of the monster guy, not ‘cause of you. You protected us.”

Kal nods. “You’re a hero.”

Mom just… stares at them. For a second. “You’re not- you’re not scared of me?”

They both sit up straighter. “No!” It spills out of both of them in unison. “Mom, you were amazing!” Kal says, and Kel nods. “You saved like, the whole village today!” she says, and she can’t keep the pride out of her voice. “You saved me and Kel and- and everyone!”

Mom smiles, even though she’s a little teary. “You’re sure?”

Kal nods. “We’re sure.”

Mom squeezes her hand. “Okay.” She nods. “Okay.” She leans over to kiss Kal on the forehead, gets up and crosses the room to do the same for Kel. “I love you both.”

“I love you, Mom,” says Kal.

“I love you,” says Kel.

Mom stands, and twists her hand to quell the torch on the wall. “Goodnight,” she says, and starts to leave.

“Mom?” The question’s out before Kal can stop it, and Mom turns back to her, brow furrowed. “Will you-” She looks down, fiddles with the blanket. “Will you tell us a story? From… when you were an adventurer?”

There’s a pause, and for a second Kal thinks she’s messed up really badly, but Mom smiles.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” She steps back into the room and sits down on Kel’s bed. She thinks about it for a second. “Did- did your Dad and I ever tell you about the first time we went to Vasselheim?” They both shake their heads, and Mom smiles even bigger. “Alright, so there’s this part of Vasselheim called the Crucible, where people would fight to prove they were strong, I guess, and of course once your Uncle Grog found out, he went right for it…”

Kal settles back against her pillow and smiles, as Mom launches into the story of Uncle Grog and Kern the Hammer. She doesn’t tell them the whole story that night. She saves the rematch for the next, and the night after that it’s how Uncle Scanlan turned them all into cows to save a roc, and then how Aunt Vex turned Bauble’s dad into a person to win a pie-eating contest. Kal hears a lot of stories about her parents and aunts and uncles from then on. As she gets older, she hears other stories, ones that aren’t as funny. Stories about pain and death and hurting, and some of them change the way she looks at her parents, but one thing stays true for her for the rest of her life:

Kal doesn’t think she has the most boring mom in the world anymore. But she’s pretty sure she has the bravest.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm aware that cloud giants a) are very rarely found in the elemental plane of air and b) probably don't act like that, but i thought about finding a different monster, and then i decided i didn't really care.
> 
> credit for trinket's cub's name goes to my sister, who, as always, was there when i needed her to provide genuinely helpful advice and then immediately balance it out with shitty sarcasm. love ya, sis.


End file.
